It's Always Sunny in Massachusetts

There's light at the end of the tunnel in Brockton, Massachusetts. Check it out:

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/09/28/education/28school.html?hpw

It seems this public high school has figured out how to teach our children to read and write. Guess what? No Voodoo! And it's one of the largest schools around, defying the popular wisdom.

Stand up and shout, people. This could be the cosmic breakthrough we have all been looking for.

Talkin' to the Hand

Ran across this picture today. Have learned to snatch them because they are usually gone in a heartbeat. But this guy from Alabama doesn't seem to have a care in the world as he stiff-arms the emergent Razorback. Doesn't seem fair, does it? The world seemed like a better place when Bear Bryant was around. Joe Namath's Crimson Tide after all, and a man of honour.

Who Let the Dogs Out?

This underline shit has got to stop. Editor has mind of his own today. Maybe we should cut his off. The blogmaster has fixed the editor and it's a little buggy. At least you're not seeing what I am.Anyway, from the looks of this gal, one should be able to hear her scream even in outer space.

Speechless in Sonoma

This would be a variation on mild suprise. For purposes of taste, only her hairdresser knows for sure. Rest assured, if it was there, you would see it. Pretty girl, huh? Nice blouse?

What about a Darwin probability for this one? Any ideas?

Careful Your Wishes

OK, enough is too much.

Enough of the everyday misery.

Enough of the idiots who think they are in charge.

Enough of those who wield power. May it eat them.

Back to the basics, I say. What's important should be important. That's all there is to it.

Now, this photograph is from a series called Lament.  Doesn't matter whose lament. The caption for this picture might be, 'I don't know, it was here a minute ago.'

This picture conveys a mild surprise at events (or non-events) while others express shock or disbelief. 'I was dreaming I was a girl and when I woke up, it was GONE! Brings P-word envy to a whole new level doncha' think? What do you think?

Gay Poster Boy Seeks US Green Card

Mormon Speak Spanish with Forked Tongue

This guy is Mark H. Willis, chief exec of the Deseret News in Utah, owned by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

LDS, as the locals call it, has been recruiting Hispanics in its ongoing proseletyzing efforts in the U.S. and around the world. And the paper champions illegal immigrants arguing that deportation creates family terrorism.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, the largely Mormon legislature is debating a zero-tolerance immigration law like Arizona's.

Hooaah. She loves me, she loves me not. The illegals believe the church is trying to soften them up so they will remain LDS even if deported.

Mr. Willes says that like Mormons, who fled the Midwest in the mid-19th century after failing to assimilate into society, undocumented immigrants know what it is like to be outcasts.

Failing to assimilate.  White man have creative, forked tongue. Those guys never made any attempt to assimilate. Fear and loathing they spawned with their atrocious treatment of women, known as polygamy but better described as white slavery.

The Hispanics have no assimilation plans either, so maybe they are destined for each other, the Latino and the LDS. Ostensibly, the Mormons have given up multiple wives though the bishops still make jokes about it. The practice was officially abandoned in 1890 but the fundamental bigotry remains clandestine. And the resentment remains. Make a comment about Mormon Christianity and the litany begins to sound like a Palestinian lament followed by a polite invitation to move somewhere else. In fact, newcomers get this invitation in conjunction with their introduction to the community.

Think LDS is savvy to the latest form of Montezuma's revenge? At least the Shoshone were smart enough to negotiate a treaty with the White Man before being decimated by the U.S. Cavalry. When the Mexicans find out what the Mormons are all about they may storm the Temple. Or maybe the illegals will like the refuge of a macho society. Perhaps LDS will develop a finer understanding of '¿Quien Vive?'

Darwinian Risks in the Labor Pool

She's 57, has a degree in bidness, got laid off four years ago, can't find a job.

Would you pay for this woman's health care? At least she admits she has spent her entire life in pursuit of security, having worked her way to the top of the class of the 'new unemployables.' She believes her atrophied computer skills cost her a recent job opportunity. Benjamin Franklin, stand up and take a bow.

Of all the remedial steps she has taken, her most astute was to cash out her $180-thousand IRA while taking an $80-thousand tax penalty. She lives in paradise with a killer view of Puget Sound while property taxes eat her lunch. Oh, did she mention anything about her weight-loss plan? What do you think will be on the mind of the 30-something Human Resource manager as she cajoles that carcass through the door?

Should the taxpayers assume the burden of people who used up all their get-out-of-jail-free cards in the previous century? When the going gets tough, the weak really do get screwed. How could God allow this to happen? Did God have anything to do with it? Free will's a bitch.

Still Struggling with the 20th Century

Dear Miss Vito,

So, I awoke in the hospital with very little memory of recent events.

I had just invested close to $10,000 in my truck. Of course, the dog thinks it's his truck. But the insurance I collected was Blue Book on a 1994 vehicle.

They kept me in the hospital a couple of days and when I got 'home' I was still in a daze. A recent acquaintance came to visit and I still don't remember having met him.

Then it hit me all at once that everything in my life was turned upside down. My truck is gone, my wife and daughters have invaded my refuge in the mountains, I am in debt up to my eyeballs again with an enormous, conspicuous house that is empty most of the time. It's embarassing. I love my wife but she looks like a stranger. She's on me to make a home out of this house. All I want is to move back into the hills with the dog.

Have I gone crazy with that bump on the head? I don't think my wife is out to get me. I was in the Air Force for twenty years. While I was flying Vietnam out of Guam she was living in Hawaii. Did she get spoiled and I not know about it?

Signed: Clifford in Wyoming

Miss Vito replies:

Clifford, how long did you say you were unconscious?

Let me get this straight. You're telling me you had this gorgeous refuge in the mountains that was all yours until your wife moved in and persuaded you to build a house with room for your daughters and their families, but the place is so remote they almost never show up. Then you got a crack on the head and everything seems different.

I'm reminded of the Right Stuff when Gus Grissom's wife realizes she's not going to the White House to chit-chat with Jacqueline Kennedy. She's convinced the Air Force owes her for all the time she suffered as a serviceman's wife.

Clifford, you may love this woman, but you have been railroaded into something you didn't want, led to believe it would be good for everybody. We should probably give your wife the benefit of the doubt and say her optimism overcame whatever common sense she might possess, rather than suggest she did this to get even.

I see this all the time. The twentieth-century woman is still struggling with the nineteenth century and is just not ready for the twenty-first. Call it hung-up, tangled-up or what-have-you, but most of us live in the past. I'm not saying men have enlightenment all to themselves because there's precious little of that going around, but the women still believe that they would be better off if they were more like the men. Equal pay for equal work. Except men don't carry babies and give birth, so what's to be equal?

Not that I'm letting the men off the hook, because we all want what somebody else has. That's only natural. To really believe it's important and to devote energy and time to finding happiness in one's possessions is just foolish.

And women are complete fools in this regard. Worse, they cannot be trusted. They will go out and buy a pair of white slacks that don't fit because 'everyone' is wearing them. If she asks you if they make her look fat, you better be quick with a good lie. Women are not rational. Their fluctuating chemical balance drives their entire reality. Ask a woman a question and the only thing you might learn is how she feels at the moment. I can assure you she will feel different tomorrow and different again the day after. If you refuse to give in to her whims she will cry and accuse you of being heartless and cruel. Don't fall for it!

But it looks like you fell for it and it took a near death experience to wake you up. I hope your recovery goes well. It may take some time to completely regain your equilibrium. I can understand your distress.

You have a couple of choices. You can endure this meaningless reality that has been foisted upon you. This will ensure your premature death. Women are good at convincing themselves that their men will get over it. But take a look at some of these guys and they look like they're dead already. Worse, they look like they have been beaten up. Guess what?

The only real choice is what I would call divorce, guerilla-style. Without saying anything to your wife, convert all your assets to cash and put the money somewhere no one can find it. Then you quitclaim your interest in the house (and the mortgage!) to your wife. Take the dog and back into the mountains, call the bank and say 'Kemo Sabe, I bought a boat, I'm headed out to sea!'

I just love Lyle Lovett, he is so clever with words.

The Woman You Love May Be Killing You

The following letter comes from Cliff in Wyoming.

Dear Miss Vito:

I loved your show and can understand why you put up with Vinny.

I was in a traffic accident a couple of weeks ago. I can't even remember what my wife and I were talking about at the time, but it had to be some kind of distraction. I was making a U-turn when my pickup got T-boned on the driver side by some little gal in a Land Cruiser. We both got citations from the Highway Patrol but I can't even remember why we were where we were, how we got there or where we were going.

When the paramedics arrived I was unconscious, sitting in a pool of blood from the wound in my forehead. They thought I was dead, but the docs in the ER revived me some 45 minutes later.

More to come...